Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I am now a statistic.

I got into a shouting match with an asshole this morning.  Well...he was shouting.  I was calmly calling him an asshole.

There was the usual scrum at the doors, and this cocksucker decides that he's more important than the rest of us and positions himself in the middle of the scrum, by-passing everyone at the back.  When the train arrives, he pushes his way through; even cuts off a girl in front of me. Sadly, she backs down and lets him in.

Not me. As though you'd be surprised by that.

"Asshole," I say, loud enough for him to hear. I want to call him out and make him step back.

No response.

"You're being an asshole," I say, louder.

Again, no response.

So I push his arm to get his attention. Before I can call him out and tell him to get to the back like everyone else, he whirls around and shouts "Why did you shove me?!"

"Because you're being an asshole," I say, keeping my voice calm. "You butt in front of everyone else."

"I did not!" He shouts. "There was no queue."

I laugh at him. He's obviously a simple man and has a low IQ. "Yes there was," I say, "and you cut in front of everyone else."

"No I didn't," he shouts, "there was no queue."

Behind me, a man says, very loudly, "Yes there was. And you cut in front of everyone. We all saw it."

I turn and flash a brilliant smile at my knight in shining armor. Man, he was cute.

Buddy changes his story now. "Everyone is butting in."

No, actually, they aren't.  Just rude pricks like you butt in. But I didn't say that.

As we walked into the train, he kept going on and on and on. Through the doors, up the landing, up the stairs to the second level. Kept going on and on about how I shoved him. I was getting tired of his ranting. He had no defense, no argument; just kept asking me why I shoved him.

We're at the top of the stairs, now, on the second level. He stops and turns to me.

"Why did you shove me?" he asks. Several people turn to watch.

"Because you were being an asshole," I say.

"Yeah? Well...you were being a FUCKING asshole." Oh. Good one. What are you, ten?

I smile. "I didn't use that word."

Oddly, he didn't have a response for that. He just huffed at me and went and sat down.

Don't. Fuck. With. Me.

January 9, 2012

Listen, jackass...I was polite enough to let you in front of me into the queue of people getting off the train. I could have pressed myself against the man in front of me as though I knew him in a "knew him" way, but I didn't. I thought I'd be nice and let you in.

And you, you ditz, with the pink ear buds, I let you in, too. Even though you were popping your gum (which I hate. What are you, six?).

Did either one of you say thank you? Glance up at me, make eye contact for a moment and smile? No. Nothing from either of you. No acknowledgement, not even a careless shrug.

And people wonder why I'm such a bitch.